“My wife is an alcoholic. Best person I ever met. She has 600 different smiles. They can light up your life. They can make you laugh out loud, just like that. They can even make you cry, just like that. You’d have to see her with her kids. To think of all the things she lives through, and I couldn’t help her. I tried everything, except really listening and that’s how I left her alone,” says Michael Greene (Andy Garcia) in the movie ‘When a man loves a woman’. When you love a person, you love them no matter what. Their weaknesses become yours and their diseases your worries. What if your loved one’s penchant for alcohol makes you taciturn and your ineptness become evident? What if your own children see you as inadequate and drown themselves in inescapable indulgences? Michael Greene could be you, a helpless partner, mother, sibling, daughter or just an acquaintance of an alcoholic.

Many of you are aware that alcoholism is a disease and an alcoholic addict is a patient not a demon, but, what you may not know is by sharing a home with an alcoholic, you are becoming a patient as well. Your disease can vary from depression, insecurity to just worry. Al-Anon, a fellowship that works hand-in-hand with Alcoholic Anonymous (AA), for the relatives and friends of alcoholics to share their distress with similar-minded people, is where you could shove those discomforts. Al-Anon with its 62 groups around the state has been providing solace to alcoholism-ridden families for the past 16 years. An alcoholic-addict do not need your criticisms, instead, your caring and understanding is what he needs. You need to change yourself rather than trying to change them and Al-Anon teaches that.

“My son started drinking when he was 13-years-old. We thought we had given him everything he needed. But we didn’t see him slipping through our very own hands. When he became addicted we were confused. I went into severe depression. He dropped out from the engineering college and became a taxi driver. Soon his friends took over driving while he slept on the backseat in an inebriated state. Our family had gone through hell,” says Saraswathi, an Al-Anon member from Koyilandi.

Saraswathi and her husband had taken their only son to every de-addiction centre they had heard off, but once out of the centre he went back to drinking. But soon AA meetings came to their rescue and had helped them immensely since.

“By the time my son started attending AA meetings, I had become too weak and depressed. We were witnessing a case like this for the first time. So when he came back as a new person, we were unable to stand the withdrawal symptoms he had shown. And as we were from a well-known family from around the area, I could not confide it to anybody, thus I became a member of Al-Anon where I found people who had endured similar situations. There I realised that the way I behaved to my son was never fair, I could have been more gentle and caring. Instead, all I did was finding his mistakes and berating him which made him run towards alcohol more often,” says Saraswathi.

If Saraswathi has been going to Al-Anon meetings for the past five years, Shehnaz’s stint with the group started 15-years-ago. It was her husband’s alcoholism which started with one or two pegs at office parties that made Shehnaz search for de-addiction centres and her search ended with AA. At AA she found people like herself, who love their husbands dearly but cannot get them out of this god forbidden habit.

“When you are in such a state it will be your relatives that take initiative in taunting you with accusation. They will corner you and say it’s all your fault. Today when I think about it I don’t know how I had overcome that. The atmosphere at home turns sore because of his habit and there’s nobody to turn to,” says Shehnaz, Kozhikode.

Today, Shehnaz is one of the most passionate members of Al-Anon who follows the groups’ activities avidly. Kozhikode and Wayanad have the most number of Al-Anon groups around the state.

“The change should come from oneself,” says Fathima, a member of Al-Anon from Wayanad. Fathima was married off at the age of fourteen and at a tender age she had to endure the traumas caused by alcohol. “At first, I couldn’t digest his drinking but when the doctors said it is a disease I was relieved. Because I preferred the term disease for alcohol addiction I guess. But even after treatments he went back to drinking, making me lose confidence in treatments and even God. But a member of AA came to our house one day and made us aware of its methods. But the withdrawal symptoms he had shown were intolerable and I told the AA member about it. I thought the state was better when he was drunk. But the member gave me a phone number directing me to another wife who had been going through the same situation for years. That is Al-Anon. The relief I felt after talking to her was quite amazing and soon the wives and relatives of AA members started an Al-Anon at Wayanad,” says Fathima

The pamphlets and books given at Al-Anon were in English, Fathima who couldn’t complete schooling found it difficult. Thus she started learning English. Today she can read and write English like other elite members. Fathima says it is the children who end up suffering the most in an alcohol-ridden family. Her son who was adept in sports never took it up as he wanted to be with his mother and sister all the time. He couldn’t pass his tenth in the first attempt but today he has gained 83% in his MBA.

Mini, a government employee from Thiruvanathapuram, is one of the newest members of Al-Anon. It has been five-months since Al-Anon has started in the capital city and Mini was one of the founder members. It was with her husband Mini first came to an AA meeting and soon the need for Al-Anon was raised by the relatives thus came the first Al-Anon in the city.

For teenagers AA has another fellowship called Al-Ateen, where the children ranging from 11-19 can share their experiences. Al-Anon was formed in 1951 in New York by Anne B and Lois W, wife of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) co-founder Bill W. Today it has branches in around 225 countries. The Indian Head Office is in Mumbai called General Service Office (GSO).

(The names mentioned above have been changed for anonymity) Helpline numbers of Al-Anon: 9349810022, +919349910022